One 02.13.10

Twenty Four Hours.

Twenty four hours is all it has taken for the last seven thousand, eight hundred, and forty eight hours of my life to fall apart completely like powered sugar through a flaming sieve. I hear you haven't slept since Wednesday. I long with a sick trembling ache to come and hold you tenderly in my arms until you fall asleep, the worried lines in your forehead eased, your mind quiet. Already, I miss so many things in just this first one three hundred and twenty seventh away from your side.

I love you.

As always, it pulses from me, spreading outward in concentric circles of glowing bands of sizzling lightening.

The true testament of my love has just begun. My work, my honest earnest toil, for me, for you, for us, has just been born. The last seven thousand, eight hundred and forty eight hours have been its gestation. The last twenty four hours have been my painful solemn labour, to bring this mewling babe to the world and hear its cries of protest. And now, holding our fragile infant love with all its future promise cradled to my breast, I know that I have what it will require to nurture, to grow, to evolve. Paramount are my goals now: health, happiness, the ability to communicate, to be able to learn what it means to be equal, to learn to embrace, and learn when not to embrace.

This time is my time not to embrace you.

Not with my arms which are shaky with weakness and the selfish impulse to hold you to me and never let you go again. Rather, I will show you- I value your independence as I do my own soul. Although I may nearly perish without your tender fierce kisses, and for a while yet I will waste with yearning for your constant fulfilling presence-I will grow strong again. I will rid myself of the toxins of doubt, fear, projected insecurities, stubborn unnecessary resistance, and negativity masquerading as self preservation. I will continue to mature, learn, and evolve so that I will honor what you have taught me about the worth of love. Even if you need to move on and never return to my heart, I will love you. I will spread the love I house for you in my heart in every direction along my aura's electric pulses. Until the day that I pass from this life to the next, I will strive with my every breath to make this world a better place for a love like ours to exist within.

I venerate myself at your memory. This is no eulogy. It is not as if you are dead to me, it is simply that you are the Essence Twin I wish to reflect with my soul's light once more.

Namaste my cherished one.

Namaste from my bowed third eye to my glowing emerald heart chakrah. It does not denote the unsophisticated meanings that simpletons would suggest boil down to "peace be with you" or "I bow to you." No. No for you it bears full meaning in every exact detail.

The light and beauty in my soul see the light and beauty in your soul and reflect that back to you.

In perpetuity I will adore you. You are a part of me now as always. I step into the world bathed in light and witness the first fruits of springtime's labour. I hold aloft our infant love to sun's rays and say with certainty: THRIVE.