In the cards

Today you started a new chapter in the saga of your scholarly pursuits. I could not be prouder to be your partner in this moment. I always look forward to the new semesters ahead for you, because I know that through your growth and the things you learn, you teach others, including myself. I am trying not to be a bother to you, but the excitement of the classes you are now orienting yourself in, reconnecting with friends and professors, the opportunities for community service and academic excellence you have in store, are all on my mind as I went about my day. I hope you don't resent the attention. It is not meant to distract or annoy, but simply display my support of you in this life long pursuit of continued education. It is my deepest wish that you continue always to learn, because it brings you so much joy and for me, so much pride as your lover. I remain as always your steadfast cheerleading squad. Although, I am all too aware, you are completely capable of rising to the challenges each semester brings you all on your own. I just like you to know I applaud you in finding and following your passion.

Today I found myself centering more in the present. Discarding my recent fears as much as possible about the future, and letting myself become aware of all the good I have at present moment to focus on. I'm sorry that lately my fears have been coming up and causing some issues between us. I'm am sorry too that I realized today, I have had trouble listening and really hearing what you have had to say, because I have been allowing my personal fears to insulate my hearing bone. I spent some time last night after we spoke meditating on my key tattoo and reminding myself to be present to you and the words you say. Because so far, you have actually displayed your love for me time again, and also a desire to stay, at least in the present with me as your partner. I'm sorry I have been asking so much for additional attention and security. I've been rather emotional lately, I think the stress of my health issues, and the situation with my finances have been very troubling to me. I'm sorry that because of my issues, I have been distracting or difficult to deal with. I am working on that to change consciously. I'm starting my regular meditation routine again, and I'll be getting some medical testing done very soon to balance out those issues.

I don't expect answers in concrete, and I don't want to put undue pressure on you, me, or us. With that in mind, I asked my tarot cards for some guidance today, on how best to serve us both independently, and as a couple to retain the happiness between us that I always feel no matter the circumstances we find ourselves in. It was a really informative and grounding reading, so I was happy for that guidance, because ultimately, I am committed to our happiness and health. What it told me was to calm down. To stop looking for famine in the future and enjoy the feast before me. That these recent pockets of turbulence were passing away into the past, and before me lay you as you grow and change over the coming months through school and new possibilities opening up for both of us.

It was exactly the advice I needed. And paired with the recent lunar activity I found it quite insightful. We won't have as much time this weekend to spend together as we usually do, since I have to work all day Sunday on site in Pebble Beach. But this I see now as a kind of great easing into the semester for you. We can spend Friday and Saturday enjoying each other in the present and the happiness and closeness we share, and then on Sunday you can be home preparing for the school week ahead while I earn some extra cash I so desperately need.

I've done a lot of mental searching inwardly in the last 3 days, and discovered that what has been going on for me is a lot of stress compounding needless fears. I realize through my actions and attitude I may have been pushing you away. And for that, I am deeply regretful. But I did want to take the time to say thank you to you. Because even though we have had disagreements as of late that we both don't find fulfilling, you have stuck it out and communicated with me. You have, even when you may not have wanted to, stayed and displayed loyalty to your love for me by talking it out and then allowing us the mental and emotional space to be able to move on and have great experiences of bonding and happiness afterwards. I see this as growth for us, since before in the past, one or the other of us would have run away from the confrontation and isolated ourselves. Instead, now we try to break through to a healthier communication style, air things out between us, and then move back into a loving space. I am more aware now, after you speaking to me on Sunday about the way I need to deal with my own feelings, stress, fears, and communication style in the future between us to avoid undue hurt feelings and display the true love and respect I carry for you so deeply in my heart of hearts.

I won't be bothering you much about these things anymore, I find the letters I can write to you here allow me the time and space to be able to communicate calmly, and they allow you to get to them when you want. But I do hope, you are as excited as I am to enjoying the time we spend together, in happiness, and in more balanced ways. Please know that I adore you and I am always here, not going anywhere. I support you and I look forward to the time we can come together and share ourselves, our dreams, and our visions. In the meantime, grow baby, grow endlessly.

Always yours.