Just In Case

If you are wondering how I feel about you in this moment, it remains the same.

I love you.

In mind, and body, and especially in spirit.

Parts of me, very dear and tender parts of me always will. And they may become calloused over in time, worn and ragged now though they seem. They will heal. It is the nature of this body to scar over, to fill in the holes left vacant with dead space.
Spaces reserved for you that will not feel fully again. Only phantom pangs, and muscle memory wired through habit and history, but they will remain. Living entities we birthed together tied to memories that I will not discard, or erase, or ever hope to replace even when another fills my heart with passion. I will carry you, this way- a scar upon my breast forever.

A wounded lonely sparrow, a rusted handcuff key, a whisper in the darkness.

You mean more than these shallow sub-dermal things to me. We had three and half years together, a nice long run...But clearly, the time has all spent now. And I was foolish, so very foolish, to think that this could be mine forever. Such things, my sweetness are just not meant to last. I know that now.

The death card I pulled yesterday looms on white horseback-nosing for the sting of sweetened apples in fields of fallow.
We have come to pass. I understand it, but I cannot fathom it fully.

Shock, you are a mercy.

Though the tears spill still, I know they will dry once the creek bed of my heart has run dry.

I am sorry. Sorry that I couldn't be enough for you, although I tried. My Gods I tried.

And the only things that are left to say are:
good luck,
and I'll miss you,
and I'm rooting for you,
where ever life takes you.

But for now...
at least...
this is goodnight and goodbye.