Forty One And Half 03.25.10

I will be the spirit of torpid love for you. Because our trapeze artist toes are tingling with excitement, but this wire is new to us, I will not jostle the wire as we walk across from each end to each other. This is a balancing act. And I appreciate the gravity that could carry me down again to the straw strewn floor below us. Just now, there is no safety net. The only safety net below us is the distance that keeps our hearts blooming for each other with the promise of the future we might share together someday. But it is flimsy just now, and transparent. Giving the illusion that it does not exist. We are not ready yet, to jump and let the net appear.

And so I will be sure of supine foot, clinging my toes to this wire which is made of our heartstrings. I don't want you to lock up with tremors and slip away over the edge of the wire. I don't want you to fall until the net is ready to catch you. I understand, this progress, this practice for the final act in the three ring circus of our love must be enacted slowly. I understand that just now, we must use the balancing pole. We must find the center for ourselves and also with each other. We must steady ourselves before we approach the edge. Each foot must be placed upon the steel coil. Shifting our weight from the hind leg to the forefront and stilling ourselves in balance we will take each step forward. With purpose and confidence we will still belong to the world of gravity, but over time we will master it with grave and fluid movement.

We must not look into the void and be frightened by the height. We must realize there is no reason to fear now as we are only working the slack rope in our own quarters. Each time we talk, we will scale to the heights of the high wire and rehearse our aerial feats of equilibrium. And when we do see each other, these will be our finest performances. Wearing feathers and sparkling jewels we will not look away from the depths of each others eyes as we dance across the wire to each other. We will use our focus and devotion to the art form to elevate it to the greatest heights of lissomeness. I want you to know, I will not overwhelm you with my strength, I only wish to display my sincerity of heart without reserve that is not deserved. These are the acts that build that crimson web below us. So that on the night that we render that most fantastical circus act between our hearts, we will know we can finally jump and the net will catch us in a love that will hold us in health, security, and permanence.

I want you to know, I am working on my balance, strengthening my core every night. I am becoming more and more that pillar of unfailing integrity. I am burgeoning with unshakable fluid poise. When we practice again, you will barely feel the wire tremble underneath my feline toes. And if you should feel shaky feet, just still yourself and breath deeply. Look into my eyes and see, I know we are on this wire together, and I will not disturb your composure unnecessarily while we are perched on it. And you know, you can always descend to the safety of the solid ground and I will still clasp my hands to yours and bow, grateful for the practice you afforded me to build towards our most magnificent acts of lofty telephone wire ballet.